Blegh

Knots tightening in your stomach, gassy uneasiness, the “finger” which is stuck in your throat, nausea, body ache and complete weakness of the body as if one has no bones for support. Horrible isn’t it? That’s what you get when you’re attacked by food poisoning.

Ryan is down food poisoning and I feel for him. It is a horrible feeling being so feeble and helpless. There is no better of the 2 evils; the purging or the vomiting. They both leave you exhausted and dehydrated.

Several years ago during orientation week, I came down with a severe case of food poisoning. I couldn’t hold anything in due to the constant throwing up, not even water. On my second visit to the doctor, I had to shamefully reveal my buttock for a jab which fortunately saved my life. It was that or the hospital and no way was I going to get hospitalized. The scent of sanitizers from hospital lobbies are enough to creep me out.

When I was in Cambodia, I had my other bout of food poisoning. Again I was held down by the revolting smell of food exiting my mouth a good 10 times a day. I think I lost 5 kgs in that trip. Fortunately I was at my final leg of my trip, or else what a spoiler it would have been not to see the sights and sounds of Siem Reap and Phnom Penh comfortably.

What do to when you’re sick? I take comfort in lying down snuggly on the couch to watch all the rubbish shows on tv which I would never bother in the first place for sheer waste of time. Or read a book hungrily in completition with myself to see if I could finish the said book before I recover. And most of all, to sleep and soak in mummy’s love as she takes care of me :).

When Harry Met Sally

Ryan and I met under what I would call peculiar circumstances. The night I met Mark for the first time was also the day I met Ryan. Mark and I knew each other online for about 2 months plus and him being down in the city brought upon an opportunity to meet. Ryan is Mark’s brother who was the chauffer as Mark spends far more time in Indonesia that in KL city and neither one of us would like to get lost.

Dinner was an ordinary affair at the nearby foodcourt. Mark turned out to be almost exactly the mental picture I had painted of him; warm, friendly and not quite the Popeye-typical-medical-student. The addition of his brother was unexpected but pleasant nonetheless.

But it was not after I got back that night that I realised the conversation that took place largely revolved around Ryan and myself. This I thought was odd seeing that it is Mark that I know better and yet Ryan turned out to be quite interesting himself. Interesting being the keyword here. Interesting; a word I hardly use to describe a person unless the said person left quite an impression on me.

Ryan did just that.

Life went on with the usual routines; work, social get-togethers; weekends. With one exception. I started hanging out with Ryan too. Time was never on my side when we met up though, it passes in a blink, like we’re going on a roller coaster that ends right as we’re getting a hang of it.
But meeting Ryan was unlike meeting my other friends. He was different. Or perhaps I became different because it was him. I can’t tell them apart after awhile. I enjoyed his company immensely, we talked on a wide variety of subjects, and the occasionally impromptu adventure always left me hungry for more.

Soon enough, I thought about him a lil more. But I don’t think its any fault of mine. Here is a guy who’s wonderful, with a great sense of humour, matured, could see things from a wider perspective than my own, trustworthy, kind, caring and with a terrible sense of direction to boot. I was held captive after awhile because this unexplainable feeling that started developing in me was nice, warm and fuzzy and sweet like a drink of freshly squeezed lemonade with the slice of lemon perched on the tip of the glass with a straw to quench thirst on a sunny bright day spent on the beach.

And I love lemonades. Thus began this small little journey of mine in getting to know Ryan whom I adore. He gives me more reasons to with time. I don’t really know what will come up or plans that has been laid out for us by Him but I know this; I am going and will enjoy every moment of this beautiful journey that I have embarked on hoping to become a better person, to care, to cherish and to love…with Ryan.

Labour pains

… or at the least the equivalent of it is what I’m suffering from – a blardy toothache. And its not just any freaking toothache, its one that involves a wisdom tooth and…. wait for it….. surgery!!!

Aaahh yes, the dreaded word – surgery. What I thought was a mere ulcer was cleverly hidden under the soft tissues at the very end of my mouth turned out to be a massive inflammation of the gums. I first noticed the slight pain on Sunday but quickly dismissed it. By Tuesday night, it had gotten considerably worse. Wednesday had me down with a blinding headache and a fever. I got myself into bed at a record breaking 9pm, tossed and turned and finally shot out of bed close to 1am. And then it dawned upon me, this is a wisdom tooth problem!!

I texted Ryan asking him to survey for dentists around my office or my house area. To which he came down, and quickly got me to the nearest hospital. I was prescribed with some powerful painkillers – panadiene and voltaren. My pain subsided enough for me to get 5 hours of shut eye. The next few days was spent with me surviving on painkillers to get through work.

I’m now back home. I had my upper left wisdom tooth removed yesterday. This helped with the pain a little. And on Tuesday, I’m off for my oral surgery, the second one in a span of 6 months.

It is amazing what I perceived as a mere ulcer/toothache can affect my daily life. In fact, pain to be more precise is something nobody should have to live with. My high threshold of pain also failed me this time around. Pain is so bad that sometimes it is the only thing I can think about. It consumes a lot out of a person, emotionally, mentally and physically draining. I will never ever underestimate the power of pain simply because I’ve never endured one of such forceful nature till now. So when my dentist said a toothache (especially when it has hit the nerves) is the equivalent of labour pains, I nodded in agreement.

The Year: 2009

I welcome 2009 with an open heart.

2008 was a brilliant year for me. I would have selected it as “The Year” in a heartbeat because of all the amazing things that I have and that have taken place. I have so much to be thankful for, my wonderful family, remarkable true friends, graduating (with grades better that I expected), a job that makes me feel like a fully grown up person, super duper fun times with everyone and the glue to everything, love. Part of me is overwhelmed by all the blessings that I have been showered with and no amount of thank you to God is enough to represent how I feel. I feel so happy.

Initially, I was a lil afraid at the arrival of 2009. I didn’t want 2008 to end because it was one of the best years i had and part of me doesn’t want to let that go. A new year brings upon uncertainties, and I’m just happy to carry on with the 2008 way of life. What if 2009 changes all the great things? Alas, time waits for no man, plus I’m not silly enough to think it will wait for me.

But really, isn’t a new year the best way to start with a clean slate? A fresh start, a new beginning, new horizons to venture to, going for adventures of a life time, bitter sweet experiences which will add colour to my Life Sheet. And the best part of all, all these will be shared with my loved ones. So 2009 don’t scare me anymore. In fact, I look forward to what this year will bring upon.

I have a feeling 2009 is going to be an even better year than the years before. I believe we will all grow and develop, to care and share, to love wholeheartedly, to become stronger with every challenge thrown in our paths, to become wiser with each new experience, an unwavering believe in everything we pursue, a deeper sense of attachment to Him.

Cheers to 2009 to an incredible year ahead!

The Story of Conversation

I’m trying to put down these few things into words with the softest hint of instrumental tunes at the background to crease out my thoughts. But with only 2 hours of sleep, my already limited vocabulary is failing me and I can’t really paint a picture of what I want to say. So instead of trying to explain, perhaps a story will do better justice to the impression I’m trying to convey.

“You have a conversation where the rest of the world shuts of, it is only you and the person seated next to you that matters. The surroundings start out loud and noisy, busy with the family of 40 members seated next to the two of you. Neither realized when did the jim bang trickled out. Eventually the lights start switching off before you realize how much time has passed. You feel like going for a long walk, something not done in a very long time. The other suggested a car ride and off both of you went touring the streets of the metropolitan city with no destination in mind. Just bright lights, rights and lefts, roundabouts, missed turns and sometime even going in circles. But it was fun.

A small tour of yesteryear landmarks and sandwiches at the everything-under-the-sky-stall, which brought back thoughts of carefree college days, ended the night. But in essence, the two know it wasn’t the food, crowd or ride which was significant. Tête-à-tête was the glue to the beautiful night, to the seemingly endless exchange of words, ideas, opinions, swapping of stories, history, childhood memories. You could have sat down, talked and did nothing else but went home feeling like you had best time ever.”


That was the emotion I wanted to capture. Oh, and the lack of sleep? Totally worth it.

It feels like high school

There were some things in high school which fades and then there are some which sticks till my grown up years.

“The Girl stalls at the corridor hoping to catch a glance at The Boy. Then there were the calls to the house phone where into the 20th minute, someone had to use the phone. The internet brought upon e-cards and long msn chats, again till someone had to use the computer. It is also the time where your heart skips a beat, you can’t help smiling, everything seems so magical. The excitement when The Boy comes over to say hi, chit chat for a bit in full view of your friends who are giggling behind your back.”

Ah yes, the high school days.

All those flashback both from experience and of friends kept my mind occupied during my 35 minute LRT ride to work this morning. In about a month, I will be 24 years old. Yet some things don’t go away even if you have aged 10 years from being a teenager.

The heart still skips a beat. The giggling has died but the excitement lives. Emails / Facebook have taken precedence over online chats. No one will bug me 20 minutes into the conversation because I have a handphone. Gone are the days about favourite bands (BSB & N’Sync comes to mind), the famous celebrities and hunks, the latest movies, who’s-with-who. This has evolved into talk about ourselves, interests, the looming economic downturn, political circus of our country, unit trusts, aspirations. “Hanging out” no longer revolves around a mall.

Yeah, I have grown but a thing like a crush is here to stay.

Phew....

you know how it feels to face something tough and dreading the moment to it?

i had this thing and while i know i have done my very best, it's hard to gauge expectations when you are given no indication or benchmarking. i was pretty much alone and had to simply figure it out. the figuring out wasn't the hard part, it is knowing whether what i figured out is actually correct or not; that was tough.

anyways, i received my feedback and boy, i'm relieved its over. and no, i didnt lose any sleep on it but i dislike questioning myself again and again, making sure, double checking, triple checking and if i do it anymore, i'm the new obsessive compulsive in town.

i can breathe more easily now. PHEW.... boy, am i glad it is over.

if you're wondering why am i being so vague about this thing, well, that's coz, i dont even know if i'm suppose to talk about it. while its technically not really personal but when there is a blur line, i'd keep it vague. bear with me wont you?

looking forward to a relaxing weekend with great food!

how do you...

...pick up the courage to admit something you're not willing to admit? and having to do the admitting part to someone else. or maybe you dont admit, but just tell/ confess/ ramble/ blurt out a string of words to try to explain what the hell you want to say. sounds complicated right? coz it is!

i am surprised at myself. i'm hardly the one who's scared to speak my mind. now i'm contended to just sit and do nothing although inside there is the incessant voice which refuses to shut up.

i just hope i dont regret this, regreting what i should have done or if its too late. afterall, i always say, no harm trying. if it doesn't work out, at least i've tried. hah... so much easier said than done.

so what do i do? try or don't even bother? seriously, it's a lil scary.

Father of the Year

Yesterday, I saw a dad carrying his month old baby. Not the mum, the dad. It was a beautiful sight, the tiny bundle snug in the sturdy hands of whom he will call papa one day. Daddy dear walked a lil straighter, proud of his baby and kept close to Mum. He made sure she had a good seat, settled her bag filled with baby essentials and carefully handed baby over. About half hour later, he came over to check if both baby and mum are doing well. And the whole process repeated. He carried the baby (the right way mind you!), fixed the clothes, helped the mum with the bag and left.

Every single movement caught my eye. And I’m absolutely certain; mine wasn’t the only pair of eyes fixed on this man. It is so rare to see a dad holding and caring for a child instead of just the mum that I felt a little stunned at what was unfolding in front of me. It’s a little sad don’t you think that even I have became accustomed to seeing only mothers with babies.

Yesterday, a man earned a new found respect. Men are from venus and woman from mars but on earth yesterday, this one single man gave me new light and hope of my fellow comrades. May more of this caring, fatherly figures who are unafraid to display love and affection, lest being called tak macho or controlled-by-your-wife, be part of my generation. Wishful thinking? I hope to be proven wrong.

Because I am not you

it is most unexplainable these feelings i'm experiencing and i hate every moment of it. not being able to put a finger to what acutally cause all this is slowly killing me inside. or maybe i do know the cause but am just running and hiding away from all of this. because hide and seek is so much easier than facing it.

the doubt that looms on my head, the puzzlement of how people can carry on with lives holding such tremendous, heart breaking secrets if they're were let out, trust people hold me on to and the same trust i put onto people i care most about. a part of me feels a lil guilty, like i had a part to play in this teeny tiny melodrama but that's not possible coz i only came into picture when the play was over after the curtain call. or could it be my conscience screaming at me. when i lose sight of black and white, grey is not my favourite colour. grey provides no comfort in assuring i'm right, it doesnt insist i did any wrong, it's just murky, hazy and fit for the confused. i'm entering confusion but not delusional as yet.

it will take days before this numbness and ache leaves me. but putting that blind plaster smile doesnt make that voice in my head shut up. everytime i'm alone, it slowly creeps onto me, eats me when i sleep, chewing me like termites to wood.

i feel sad, confused, disappointed, enraged, puzzled, amazed at myself but more so to a friend whom i can't quite expain in plain simple english of the possible consequences that may arise from the friend's actions. it is a mockery, perhaps even a karma payback. how can a person get upset over something, then do the same thing in varying degree to another person and yet use manipulative words to justify ones action? i tried reasoning it out and the justifications seem reasonable but only to a person who doesn't care enough. i care and i live with my conscience everyday. i need to be able to look at the person in the mirror and feel free. therefore i am not you. i really don't know how you do it.

My First Pay Cheque

When I was studying and looking for a job, I had many ideals of how was I going to utilize my first pay cheque. I say utilize because the word spend sounds a tad negative. It sort of implies I’m going to spend the entire salary away in one go.

i always had the impression that when my first salary is in, I would be leaping for joy, jumping straight into the atm queue to get my hands on my moolah. And I would be off utitilizing it fully. Firstly, to give some to my parents and of course to take the family out for dinner. Treat my close friends. Give some to temple, that’s the least I can do because I’ve been really blessed and am very thankful. To get a new handphone, a really good, expensive, out of this world ridiculously fabulous handphone because I deserve one. Shopping! And the rest would be for savings.

The reality of the situation turned out so differently. When I heard that my pay was in, it felt like any ordinary day with the exception that my bank balance has increased somewhat. I did not rush to the atm to withdraw money to buy anything I had always thought I would. I did go to the atm machine 4 days later, but just to make sure the money was indeed banked in. And it was not till I inserted my card in that I realized I could do my banking online. I felt so silly!

The new handphone; I decided I didn’t need one. The current one functions just fine after a battery change. In fact, I think the idea of a new super duper canggih handphone where I would only use say 5 of its gazzilion features is nothing but an ego booster, a feel good material item so show off because the phone looks sophisticated when I take it out to answer a call or text message. But really, isn’t a phone’s main function is to make and receive calls and sms? My phone does that excellently. I won’t deny I would like a new phone but perhaps when the current one goes completely bonkers on me, then I know it would not be an impulse buy.

The shopping was minimized to the absolute essentials as I have almost everything I need. I’m really proud of myself to be able to hold so still with all the sales going on. The treats will proceed as I intended, so would all the rest. And instead of a handphone, I’m thinking of taking up a life insurance policy instead.

So what’s so exciting about my first pay cheque? The fact that I’m actually an independent person, that I’ve earned my dues, I’m a working adult, not a mere child anymore. It makes me feel more matured, like I’m grown up so much in just 2 months. That feeling is one of the best feelings I’ve had so far and no amount of shopping or a sophisticated phone can ever replace that.

A Place to Call Home

I know this post is long overdue but here it is.

Looking for a place to call my new home was an adventure. I did stay in KL while I was doing my internship, however because I didn’t have the luxury of time and money, I settled very quickly for an old flat 15 minutes walk from the station. It was quaint to add character to its brown walls, parquet floor and aging plumbing and wiring.

That place where I stayed for 8 months was never home. It didn’t feel like home, I had no sense of belonging or want in that space I shared with 2 classmates, a girl from Vietnam and another from Mozambique. For me, that place provided me shelter from the sun and rain and bed to sleep on but still, it lacked that attachment we all have to home.

Therefore, this time around, I wanted a place with an element of home to it. Of course, no place can replace my home, the place I grew up in, had all my treasured memories and where old friends are always at the corner.

But I was looking for that magic factor, one that beams at you the instant you step into the house / condo/ hut or whatever it is people live in. It has to feel right, like I’m welcomed there, cosy and the warmth of the place exudes from the very walls of the rooms.

Thus began my house hunt.

I decided to go for 2 locations, Location A which is pretty near my soon to be workplace. And Location B which is further but where I have most of my friends living there.

The search began on Friday and I viewed 3 places, with one possibility. On Saturday morning, I saw another 2 more in Location A, and one completely stood out like a knight in shining armor reaching out to me saying “Pick me to call your new home”. It had all the right elements, the price was right, the owner very pleasant and as a bonus, it comes with a swimming pool! The major downside, I’ll be all alone here coz none of my friends live anywhere nearby. So I decided to continue my search before making my final decision.

Friday Evening: Went over to Location B via LRT and I had no luck with places. As I was about to leave, I bumped into an ex-uni mate at the station. She heard my story and wanted to help me out. So she got her car over and brought me around the whole area, visiting several 7-Elevens to get contact numbers and showing me places suitable for rent.

I was really touched because here is a girl I barely know, we’ve only met say 5 times (since we’re not classmates and uni is a HUGE place), and she still went all the way out to help me, a person who is practically a stranger to her to look for a place to stay. I consider myself exceptionally blessed to have bumped into such a kind person. You know the saying; a friend in need is a friend indeed. She wears that badge proudly.

The next day, I met up with a senior from Uni who also helped me took for a place to stay in Location B. we went to countless places, circling and searching but I couldn’t find one. So I figured I would stay in Location A at the place I really liked. On my way back, my friend called me to say a housemate is moving out and I can take over the room.

I was ecstatic! Coz I’ve been to my friends place and it definitely feels like home. And the room, it’s much bigger, more comfortable and guess what, they cost the same. So yeah, I got everything I wanted in my new home and more, I have friends nearby to boot.

Blessed is quite the understatement to all that have taken place recently and for that I’m exceptionally grateful. I have a decent job in the location I’ve always wanted and now I’ve got a fantastic small lil place to call my own. I have friends who care and go the extra mile to assist me. Fellow bloggers and acquaintances also chipped in ideas and gave some very useful tips and guides. There were some random strangers who spotted a lost girl looking right and left, and pointed me to the right directions.

To every single one whose path I crossed in my journey for a place to call home, I thank you very very much. Words cannot express my gratitude of you helping a small town girl in a giant metropolitan city.

I am truly blessed. For that, I thank You.

I've Got A Job!

Yes, I'm happy to say that I will no longer be a Professional Slacker slash bummer slash unemployed because I have a job now. Ok, well at least on paper I do. I received my offer letter earlier this afternoon and much to everyone's relief (I wasn't holding my breath, had to be prepared for anything), I am posted to KL! Yippee!!!

I'll be working in the Twin Towers to boot. Woo Hoo!! I'm so very thankful that I did not get thrown into somewhere far far away. I had 5 years in a tiny town for my uni years, seriously, I could do with a metropolitan city for a change. Melaka does not count as a city, when I'm optimistic, Melaka is a town.

Speaking of which, I am now looking for a place to stay in KL. Any suggestions? A criterion is it must be located anywhere along the Kelana Jaya LRT Line as I don't own a car and would rely on public transportation to work. So Congratulations to me *beaming perasan-ly*

Happy?

I’m not really sure what has struck me but I’m not exactly me, at least not for the last few days. I’m in this really weird mood or phase. I get upset, frustrated and even lose my temper more easily. I whine, I complain and then i make a 360 turn reverting to my old self like nothing took place previously. I can’t figure out what has triggered this in me.

My days have been pretty routine for a long time. Nothing new ever takes place here. I’ve not had any good nor upsetting news so why should I feel this way?

It’s a nagging feeling inside, like an itch you scratch but to no relief. I’m not angry but I do feel the temperature rising pretty damn fast which scares me because I don’t have a temper to begin with. And I have no intention of developing one. But I don’t like the little devil inside me.

And then it hit me. I may be up and about (very very little actually, but that’s another story altogether) and sitting at home, kononnya chillexing (chilling + relaxing), I hang out with my friends but there is one important ingredient missing. And I feel that that could be causing the tiny turbulations of rebellions eating me inside, thinning down my walls, chewing into my heart. I’m not happy.

Kuching Checklist

I’m all ready and packed out for my Kuching trip. Even as I’m typing this, my excitement is escalating at a frightening rate. Of course it is not frightening if you’re me! So I looked through my bag and mentally took note of all the items I needed to bring along. Here’s a check list I keep for travelling purposes. I absolutely hate accidentally leaving something behind. While some items can be lived without, having them around makes life so much easier. I take comfort in my own things. And I find it a hassle to have to borrow or worse still, buy, if I left something behind.

The checklist takes away the burden of having to mentally remember stuff. Plus all I need to do is to tick away the list to make I have taken along everything. Here’s my Kuching Checklist:

Clothes – to last 5 days 4 nights. Brought along lots of t-shirts and shorts to cater to the hot weather. Plus I’ll be outdoors quite a bit.

Undergarments – to last 5 days 4 nights or I prefer to count it as how many times I’ll be taking a shower. There will approximately 8 showers this trip so at least 8 sets to go.

Toiletries – comb, body shower, shampoo, conditioner, toothbrush, toothpaste (all travel pack sizes of course)

Cleansing Regime – Cleanser, Toner, Moisturiser (travel pack) to make sure my skin stays healthy.

Camera – to take loads of pictures!! Included is the charger

Hand phone charger – so I can stay connected.

Sun block – much needed for all my time outdoors.

Cap – to prevent too much tan. I almost never regain my colour back whenever I’m out too long in the sun. So a cap reduces a tan a tiny bit.

Umbrella – for the sudden showers. Plus it also protects against the fury of the blazing sun.

Sunglasses – to look cool. *laughs*

Insect repellent – AA went for the Rainforest World Music Festival 2 years ago and reminded me (more like drilled it in my head) to bring this along because it would be my life saver. He poor soul had a literal blood donation drive to the feisty mosquitoes during his last visit there.

Denim Jacket – in case it gets cold. Will definitely use it on my journey to the airport (I’m leaving home at 6 am *horror*), the airport and during flights.

Towel – not provided by the backpackers I’m staying at.

Blanket – I get cold pretty fast due to the absence of flesh and fat in my severely underweight body. And I bet the ang moh’s in my dorm won’t be too happy if I switch off or turn up the temperature the air-cond in the middle of the night, so my blanket “courtesy” of Malaysian Airlines will keep me snug and warm.

Shoes and flip flops – For walking duh

Map – 3 Maps of Cat City with the main streets and important locations beautifully highlighted in yellow. I took the pains to look up comprehensive maps which had good landmarks to make travelling and walking around easy when we go sight-seeing.

List of Places to Visit and Food to Eat – again google and blogs are really helpful in deciding where to go, how to go and what to expect. I especially took in more effort in the food section coz this girl can definitely afford a piling up a few kilograms :).

Kenny’s Food Award post and Wiki Travel of Kuching are superb. I savoured every bit of those articles, absorbing all the details and then neatly compiled my own list in my notebook. I can’t possibly visit every single place so I focused on the must-not-miss items like the Sarawak laksa, Kolo Mee, Teh C Peng etc etc.

Packets of tissue – absolutely needed because my nose will display sinus-like and flu-like symptoms every time I eat irrespective of what I eat. Will need the tissues handy.

2 Hangers and clothes peg – Laugh all you want but I packed those because I know the clothes line and clothes hanger will be totally utilised as the backpackers is full house. At least I get to hang my towel to dry by the window or something.

Vitamin C – to stay in the pink of health.

That’s pretty much it. I doubt I left anything behind. While I do like travelling light, I also like to ensure I don’t miss out anything and try to cover all possibilities. I’m simply not a believer of chance and I hate thinking of “What if’s” without having a simple solution.

If the sun comes up, I have my cap and sunblock. When it rains, I’m geared with my umbrella. I brought an extra set of clothes in case of any emergency. It is all this little tiny things that can be left behind but I hate it when I’m stuck and thinking at the back of my head, “Damn, I should have brought that thing!”. So yeah, I pack up and am ready to go!

Kuching, beware for here comes Ohkulala to invade, explore and enjoy your city!!!

Questions, Questions, Questions

Have you ever wondered about life? Why are we here? What is our purpose on earth? What is it that we have to learn or achieve? How can some people be considered successful and others not? Who defined success in the first place? And in whose eyes?

Why are some people born rich, others poor? Is the world really fair? If we humans are really all the same, how come we face racial discrimination? Why do woman face discrimination because of their sex? Why do women face the glass ceiling? How come man can get away with things more easily than their counterpartners?

Are we here to protect mother earth? Because if we are, I don’t think we’re doing a great job at it. Are we here to procreate and then die?so, is life just about living day to day, doing what is expected out of us, going through some cycle everyone went thru? So what, we get borne, become kids who become teenagers who become adults, who work and then look after their parents, have kids of their own, grandparents, teach and learn along the way and then what, die??? Like seriously, is that all there is to life?

So some say, we do all that and more. What are that “more” factor are we referring to? Giving away to the poor, charity works, volunteering? Doing the best we can? Aiming for the stars to achieve our full potential?

Now, let’s say we do all that. But why do we need to do all that for? For show sake so others can view us as good people? Do it because it is expected or because it’s a good thing? What? Why? How? Who sets all this?

Everytime I move even an inch away from the norm, from what society expects out of me, I get grabbed back into that cycle with long lectures of doing what I apparently need to so. Acceptance is key in life apparently. I question this key I supossedly posses. I didn’t ask for it. Why can’t I live my life the way I want to, without judgement, prejudice and ridiculous expectations?

And in living my life, I can’t promise everything will turn out hunky dory. But I can promise these; in everything I do, I’ll do my best. I’ll learn in every possible situation. I’ll make the best of what is given to me and strive for even more. I will give as much as I receive because I believe the more I give, the more I receive. I will lead a life in pursuit of happiness. Just don’t tell me that I need to be with a person of a certain nature to be happy, I need to be with a certain crowd to be happy, I need to do certain things in certain ways to make others happy and therefore be happy. Because then it wont be living, it would be a dictated life of living.

So many questions, so many answers to seek. And this is just a tip of the ice-berg. I have to ask because i'm tired of just going with the flow without any reason. This is my pursuit of happiness.

How to Prepare for a Job Interview

Now that I’m in a job hunt, I have to get myself prepped up for interviews. It is important to be prepared because it will show when the interviewers asks you questions and giving blank looks aint going to earn you any brownie points. When I was studying, looking for a job didn’t seem so hard. All I thought I had to do was send in my resumes to a few companies and wait for their call. Boy, I was wrong! Just sitting and waiting did not get my anywhere so a different approach has to be taken. More initiative into calling and emailing them expressing my interest works better than just waiting.

So here’s a few tips for attending interviews:

1. Resume & Cover Letter – make sure they are spelling and grammatically error free. It doesn’t give a good first impression to note mistakes on your “selling point”. This is afterall the first document the HR department receives prior to scheduling to meet you for an interview.

2. Company Background – This can be found mainly on their website. The amount of information may be overwhelming but the key items to look for is the company history (which country are they from and current headquarters) and company mission

3. Attire – dress to impress. First impressions count very heavily as you may only see your interviewer once and it’s best to create a good hence positive and lasting impression. Invest in a pair of black shoes, slacks and a good fitting collared shirt. Ties should match the attire and pls skip those sleezy smiley faces ties, those will not work! Girls, do not wear make-up 3 inches thick unless you’re applying for a job that has such requirements.

4. Be prepared with answers. Some questions will pop up and it’s best to be prepared. Popular questions include:

a) Tell us about yourself.

b) Why did you choose our organization?

c) Your strength and weaknesses

d) Why should we hire you over the next qualified person?

Answer with sincerity and while it is great to highlight on your strengths and keen interest, do not exaggerate as you may come across as a show-off or arrogant.

Well, that should set you up for a decent interview. One more very very important thing to note, Be On Time. Its alright if you’re early but never come in late. In a case of emergency, it is best to call and give them a heads up. Interviewers also have their jobs to do and can’t spend the whole day waiting. If they do and seem snappy, you know why. Good luck then!

PS: I was in the newspapers again, on New Straits Times last Saturday for the Made of Honour Premiers. Will blog bout it later :)

Memoirs of St David's High School Part 3

The final installment. Click to read Part 1 and Part 2

Form 5
This was a year of fire and pressure. Becoming the charter President of Stargate Club was daunting. Stargate was a club aimed at creating and teaching adolescent sexual reproductive health (ASRH) or as most people put it; sex education. We were funded under a project by the International Planned Parenthood Federation Association in Japan and this came under the umbrella of the Family Planning Association Melaka (FPAM). It was a huge deal because we’re the first club of such nature in the country. Only 2 more clubs of its kind existed, one each in Japan and Bangladesh. But most people are not concerned with the background. The fact that this is new to everyone cause a lot of stir in classrooms and the teacher’s lounge.

I remember a teacher walking into my classroom one day asking for the Stargate President. I stood up and she gave me one heck of a look and then launched into what felt like a 20 minute lecture of how teaching students on ASRH will encourage them to go out and have sex, it pollutes the mind of young people, etc etc. I think she was short of saying she’s ashamed of having a student like me and how could I look at myself at the mirror everyday for what I’m doing and the possible mayhem I create.

That was tough and the pressure immense having to deal with people judging me and the members of the club. Some ran a mile while others approached us with their dilemmas. I heard the snickers behind my back but the occasional pat on my shoulders was good enough to erase all bad memories.

Asides that, there were the fun moments. For an unexplainable reason, I was good a History although I didn’t like the subject. In fact, to avoid studying for it, I concentrated in class so that I don’t have to do revision at home while a majority of the class would be completing homework from the more “important” subjects like biology, chemistry, physics or additional mathematics. I hated it so much I only studied History the night before my tests and exams. So J.Lo called me up the night before our History trial paper asking which chapters was I studying for and she’ll do the same.

When the teacher came to pass back our results, she wasn’t so happy because we didn’t do as well as expected. And there I was speaking at the top of my voice complaining very loudly that the paper was freaking hard, tricky, vague questions and whatever lame excuse I could pull of. She then proceeded to give out those who scored 90% and above. “First with 98% is Popeye, 95% CHS, 94% Ohkulala, 92%....” Holy cow, I scored again and this time J.LO was not so cool because despite studying the exact same chapters, she scored only half my score!

So I was the first president for stargate. There is another first and this time it is about something slightly different. Add Math was a subject I never got till today but being in Form 5 kinda got me to work at it harder. During the first monthly test, I actually scored my first A1 in it! So came the next test, I was set on maintaining my grade. Imagine when the teacher fumed into class saying that she was disappointed. 2 failures spoilt her reputation for 100% passes in class. Oh boy, she was really really angry.

So when she called the second name out, I calmly took my paper and it was not till I got back to my seat that I realized I was one of her students who put her through such shame. The measly 38% was a huge slap on my face for I have never ever failed anything in my life before. I didn’t see it coming, I have always danced with 40-60% average but to fail was unacceptable. What made it harder was the fact the teacher harped about it for the entire 40 minute lesson and before I knew it, tears were streaming down my face as I wrote down exercises in my note book. I felt so embarrassed, ashamed, shocked, disappointed, upset, disbelief, hopeless with that one failure. I felt scared, really scared for the first time thinking I had overestimated my ability to actually pass the paper and with SPM around the corner, I was a little kitten trapped at the corner of 2 walls with a person approaching with a butcher’s knife in his hand. I don’t remember crying so painfully inside before. When Kenny gave me a hug, I soaked his coat wet with all my tears.

That only made me more determined to do better the next time. i was determined to get the best scholarships in the country to pursue my accounting degree in the UK. I had this dream for the longest time and I didn’t want a poor grade for SPM to stop me. A lot of studying was involved especially with my 2 weakest subjects, biology and add maths.

My mum then came up with a brilliant plan, to organize a prom night. With a small committee for 4 people, we had a blast of a time planning and organizing it. In fact, we talked and planned and had lots of day dreaming done during Azman tuition. No wonder I almost never got my work done on time. It was so nice to see everyone all dressed for the occasion looking pretty and handsome. The first of such party and it was a roaring success.

Verdict: Work hard, play hard

So there are my five years of secondary education in St David’s High School. The school may not look fancy with new furniture, the old paint and grey hallways but this is the school that made me grow up and prepared me for what the real world would be like. You don’t always get what you want and sometimes you get them in a different package. It is the teachers who are dedicated to their profession, true friends who stick to you through thick and thin and the enriching experiences ill never forget that makes the school very special. I love St David’s with all my heart and I would love to give back to the school who taught me some very important life lessons for here stands a true proud St Davidian.

Memoirs of St David's High School Part 2

Continuation from my previous post

Form 3

It was a serious year with most of the class jokers and clowns missing in action. Teachers complained the class is too quiet, a first in history! And not wanting to be part of a different history, I studied hard and put in a lot of effort in my work. 2 years back, the entire first class of the form scored straight As for PMR except for one girl and I wanted to make sure that I’m not that girl. We did better than our immediate seniors. Yay! A good rub in their faces :P. To explain this would take a much longer post.

A huge misunderstanding with the Empat Kawan Baik ensued and was never quite solved by the end of the year.

Verdict: No fun and no play made 3A1 a boring class

Form 4
I became a prefect where probations were tough. One morning, I had a feeling something was going to go wrong. It was not till halfway through duty I realized I forgot to keep my liquid paper in my pocket with me. And the seniors conducted a spot-check on us and my liquid paper was confisticated. I felt my face burn as the names were read out one by one of who was caught with possession with the most illegal item in school. Oh, such shame and embarrassment. I was sure I would have been fired but since everyone had outstanding records of duty, we were let go with a stern warning. Phew…

The class magazine was the class moment of glory and joy. Budak Cerah was elected Editor and I became the assistant. We had a great time writing articles, collecting funds, marketing our hard work and sweat to the other schools and make a whooping profit!

Politics became a game as everyone was vying for top positions in their respective clubs. Afterall, doing academically well alone is not sufficient. The stiff competition had a repulsive side; friends back-stabbing, hypocrisy, ass-suck-ups and the popularity contest. Integrity was something I held steadfastly but with the unfortunate way of the world, sometimes the good people end last.

Most advisors give students a free hand at running the clubs with minimal supervision. The good part about this is that we learn how to work things out on our own independently. The downside is because of their lack of involvement, they don’t really know who to pick to take over the club for the next term and leave that decision up to the president and his board of directors A club which I cherish was taken over by an inexperienced member who was clueless to run the club. The person was chosen because he was such good friends with past president who had a hand in nominating candidates.
In some cases, some truly deserving people were sidelined because they don’t do “apple polishing”. And then there were the outstanding ones who got every bit they should for their terrific work. All in all, politics was a dirty game and with it being so blatant in front our eyes, some could claim lack of knowing pledging blindness. Sheesh
Verdict: Have fun but watch your back

Memoirs of St David's High School Part 1

I remember vividly the day I enter the compound of St David’s High School. I took a deep breath in as I took my first steps into what is to be my high school for the next 5 years. I could not conceal my apprehension as I looked around. The school is outrageously a far cry from my primary school which had beautiful gardens with flowers of many colours, buildings which look new and kept and creative murals painted on the empty walls along the hallways. What I saw was enough to make me cry for the poor state of the school. I told my mum many times, I don’t think this is the place for me.

St David’s High School to a Form One student looked worn out with multi-coloured buildings of the oddest shade of blue, green and brown. I noticed the old furniture, wooden brown tables filled with grafitti, liquid paper marks, formulas of all nature, cursing, unsent love letters, carvings and just about anything that could be scribbled on the wooden piece called a desk. The chairs were plastic, a hideous shade of green with some chairs missing a leg when students with lack of fun decides to take it out on the poor chair. The paint on the walls of the school were peeling, as if it was tearing and saying, I’m crying a silent cry as hordes of students walk past me, brush against me, print footprints, spray paint and write on me when they vent out their teenage anger and frustrations.

A part of my looked at the school judgmentally. I could have gone to another school and be with all my friends. And that school is most definitely nicer, newer with better facilities. I hard a time picturing students who came and studied here in St. David’s with so little the school had to offer. I really miss the luxuries of coming from a Sekolah Harapan Negara (an award given to some of the best schools in the country) where everything is top notch compared to the pitiable state of my high school.

So thus begins my journey as a St Davidian.

Form 1
It is tough enough with my school being so completely different from primary school, I had no friends. Most of my friends went to either boarding schools or the neighboring high school. Mum put me here instead. She believed it is good to make new friends and learn to adapt and of course, St David’s is famous for churning out top students who go very far in life. I never really paid attention to what she said. I thought this was just some “promotional” gimmick she had. And so I stayed.

Making friends isn’t supposed to be hard right? But the one thing I never had problem in before became a problem. Everyone was so different and in my personal opinion, different in a very bad way. The boys were extremely childish, running around and playing catch and chasing with some of the other girls (OMG!!!), curse like nobody’s business (why is saying f**k and bas**** so acceptable) and stayed close to their cliques as most of them are friends from their primary school.

To add spice to the curry, many couldn’t place me, I didn’t look malay, Chinese or Indian so I was called Bangla. Everytime someone called me that, it sliced my heart like a never healing wound not allowed to heal and the cut just grew deeper and deeper with time. While everyone found it funny, let me tell you this, it was NOT!

The whole year was miserable. I felt no sense of belonging, I didn’t like most people in class for various reasons and those I didn’t have reason to not like were not very friendly or approachable. Almost everyday was a dread and I asked countless time to be shifted out of school because I hated it here. Alas, those words fell on deaf ears. I longed for the day I could go back to who I was with my own clique.

I did eventually make some friends. DG and gang were my first few. We used to hang out at the canteen because we all took the bus to school and arrived almost an hour earlier before school starts. Thank heavens school was in the afternoon session. I can’t imagine being in school also sleepy eyed at 6.30 am. Then there was the girl who sat next to me, known to all as Raj Fowler. She wore an easy breathing stripe as Robbie Fowler the footballer did. Kenny, my friend from primary school and Ketam, the only one who approached me the first day of school.

Ketam: Hey, how come you’re taller than me ah?
Kul: Eermm, I don’t know.
Ketam: I was the tallest person in my primary school
Kul: So was I.
Ketam: Wah lau wei (an expression of shock and / or amazement), girl taller than me man. I don’t care; I’ll beat you to that one day.

Yeah, our first conversation wasn’t about our names and where were we from. It was about a height issue but from then onwards, we became great friends.

Verdict: A year of being lost and completely hopeless.

Form 2
After the 2 month semester break, I was not looking forward to going back to school and facing the same people again. This time around I actually had the option of switching schools but I figured I’ll need to learn to fit in instead of running away.

There was a lot of excitement on the first day of school for we are now in the morning session with the seniors. And to my utmost surprise, girls I didn’t talk to asked me how my holidays were and all of us were there shrieking in laughter exchanging holiday stories. It was a great start and I beamed with glee.

So I made a lot more new friends this time around and it felt wonderful. I guess I was too harsh and quick to judge. And I found out why no one approached me. I apparently looked unapproachable, stuck-up and since I was tall and wore those “ballerina” Bata shoes, they assumed I was, well, arrogant and too high and mighty for anyone else *horror*

High school crushes loom across the hallways and corridors. One caught my fancy and another fancied me. It is pretty cute to think of all that had taken place, the little notes and calls on the phone, quick glances when we bump into each other in school. The pretending of not knowing one another to keep the rumours down and becoming dates at the school dance and nights. Cute and totally high school.
Verdict: New friends and crushes


Since this is such a long post already, the second half will be continued tomorrow.