Thursday, November 27, 2008

A Day of Rant and Vent

A rather upset Kul is writing this. So if you’re not into reading ranty posts, pls do not proceed any further.

I got ticked off today for something that is completely no fault of mine nor my wrongdoing. And it’s upsetting because I know the person who scolded me, A, should have channeled the vents of a job not well done to the actual person itself. Instead, I was at the receiving end of a lecture I did not deserve.

I am trying to rationalize it out so as to not get upset. But I really can’t. Thinking it is different from internalizing it. Some of the reasons I came up with: Perhaps A is tired coz we had a mentally challenging and exhausting day. The lash could be due to tiredness. Perhaps I was there at the wrong place, wrong time. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps….

But whatever the reason, I still felt the pinch. And I’m not happy about it.

So I started to rationalize myself instead. I got ticked off. And when I was leaving, it was pouring cat, dogs and whiskers which made me miss the badminton game I really wanted to go for. Walking with an umbrella while the rain was resonating my very upset sentiments at its peak, it also spoiled one of my favourite pairs of shoes.

On my walk home, semi lost in my thoughts, I realized something. I felt it, the fury, the anger and frustration of someone who vented on me. Those emotions and sentiments which would have in the past just bounced off me actually seeped and infringed it my heart in the most unexpected way. I have (finally!) developed some sense of sensitivity!

Strange? Well, not so if you have known me through the years. I’m almost incapable of being hurt emotionally because I never ever let anyone’s words and opinions, bothered me. However, that is not always a good thing because I didn’t really understood or practiced the sensitivity level most people function on.

And one more thing came to mind. The upsetness actually led to my bad day. Had I not been upset about the tick off, I probably wouldn’t be unhappy bout my spoilt shoes or the weather or the badminton game I missed. Things do go in circles.

Well, I’m done venting. I’ve decided to channel all of it here instead of bottling it inside. Not bad, two realisations in one day. *pat*pat* Now back to normal operating conditions. If you’ve read everything, sekian, terima kasih.

Friday, November 21, 2008


you know how it feels to face something tough and dreading the moment to it?

i had this thing and while i know i have done my very best, it's hard to gauge expectations when you are given no indication or benchmarking. i was pretty much alone and had to simply figure it out. the figuring out wasn't the hard part, it is knowing whether what i figured out is actually correct or not; that was tough.

anyways, i received my feedback and boy, i'm relieved its over. and no, i didnt lose any sleep on it but i dislike questioning myself again and again, making sure, double checking, triple checking and if i do it anymore, i'm the new obsessive compulsive in town.

i can breathe more easily now. PHEW.... boy, am i glad it is over.

if you're wondering why am i being so vague about this thing, well, that's coz, i dont even know if i'm suppose to talk about it. while its technically not really personal but when there is a blur line, i'd keep it vague. bear with me wont you?

looking forward to a relaxing weekend with great food!

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

how do you...

...pick up the courage to admit something you're not willing to admit? and having to do the admitting part to someone else. or maybe you dont admit, but just tell/ confess/ ramble/ blurt out a string of words to try to explain what the hell you want to say. sounds complicated right? coz it is!

i am surprised at myself. i'm hardly the one who's scared to speak my mind. now i'm contended to just sit and do nothing although inside there is the incessant voice which refuses to shut up.

i just hope i dont regret this, regreting what i should have done or if its too late. afterall, i always say, no harm trying. if it doesn't work out, at least i've tried. hah... so much easier said than done.

so what do i do? try or don't even bother? seriously, it's a lil scary.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

An empty mind... said to be the devil's workshop. but i dont think it has reached that point yet. i'm just rather restless. everyday is a routine, there is nothing to look forward to.

i wake up, get dressed
work work work
work work
get crammed in sardine packed lrt
shower and dinner
surf the net, check emails, facebook

tomorrow the whole day repeats itself. weekends are a lil better, there is always a play to catch, and i can count the invitations to pool parties, or if i'm really up for it, clubbing. but they no longer appeal to me. its been there, done that.

i guess i'm looking for something more meaningful. i have the weekends in my hands and as much as i really enjoy my sleep (coz 6 hours on mon-fri ain't enough), i need something to look forward to. make a contribution to society, help someone in need, learn a new skill, go dancing like i've always wanted to, just something. a breeze of fresh air.

i want a vacation. the weather and i, however, are not on agreeable terms. so the vacation will have to wait.

i'm already rambling. its the partially empty mind i'm telling you.

Monday, November 17, 2008

What do you see?

From the outside,
you see a pretty face,
with a hint of rouge,
shade of rose on her lips,
hair with curls around the ears.
Fair skin with dark hair,
Deep set eyes,
Someone who is almost serene
in the midst of madness and chaos.

What you don’t know is
She plays the organ,
Never wears a bikini
Always punctual and hates those who are not
Talks too much as she can’t live with the deafening silence
Enjoys a good book before she sleeps
Thinks movies are overrated
And theater are deserving of more
Adores babies and well behaved kids
Like her chocolates dark and Belgian,
Flowers should only be a single red rose.

Underneath the face,
She too gets scared
Sometimes worries too much
And the walls of her heart are kept high
to protect herself from getting hurt,
to keep others from seeing what’s truly inside,
for fear of letting people in.

But really, how can you tell
When all you’re allowed to see
Is a bright smile, a bubbly upfront,
Always sure, bold and ready with an answer,
Not everyone’s cup of tea.

The face on the mirror
Doesn’t always replicate what you see,
You see what you want,
And you see what is shown
It is after all, just a reflection.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Father of the Year

Yesterday, I saw a dad carrying his month old baby. Not the mum, the dad. It was a beautiful sight, the tiny bundle snug in the sturdy hands of whom he will call papa one day. Daddy dear walked a lil straighter, proud of his baby and kept close to Mum. He made sure she had a good seat, settled her bag filled with baby essentials and carefully handed baby over. About half hour later, he came over to check if both baby and mum are doing well. And the whole process repeated. He carried the baby (the right way mind you!), fixed the clothes, helped the mum with the bag and left.

Every single movement caught my eye. And I’m absolutely certain; mine wasn’t the only pair of eyes fixed on this man. It is so rare to see a dad holding and caring for a child instead of just the mum that I felt a little stunned at what was unfolding in front of me. It’s a little sad don’t you think that even I have became accustomed to seeing only mothers with babies.

Yesterday, a man earned a new found respect. Men are from venus and woman from mars but on earth yesterday, this one single man gave me new light and hope of my fellow comrades. May more of this caring, fatherly figures who are unafraid to display love and affection, lest being called tak macho or controlled-by-your-wife, be part of my generation. Wishful thinking? I hope to be proven wrong.


When it falls,
Carries the sorrows of a person,
Flushes it away in the stream of water,
And leaves behind an emptiness more hollow than before.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa

So I was lucky enough to win four tickets to watch the screening of Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa courtesy of AMBP. As my expectations for movies are near impossible, I decided to not put any hope to avoid disappointment. However, a long day of work took care of that, I had no time to consider how the movie would turn out.

Madagascar 2 continues from the first movie but for those who didn’t catch the first installation, worry not, the movie is pretty stand alone. This time, the 4 good friends, Alex the lion, Gloria the hippo, Melman the giraffe and Marty the zebra landed (literally!) in Africa in their attempt to get back to New York City. There they met with their fellow kind and felt completely at home, Roots as you would call it.

The movie was brilliant. The script is witty, with fantastic one-liners, a great story line and memorable characters which kept the entire audience in stitches. I can’t remember the last time I laughed so much in a movie. I came out feeling so good, the perfect remedy to kick away the Monday blues or exam blues or whatchamacallit. So if you’re in for a good, relaxing time, I completely recommend a dose or two of Madagascar.

Anyone interested in a second run, let me know :). FYI, the only movie I watched more than once was The Dark Knight. And of course, they are incomparable in terms of delivery, but seriously, Madagascar 2 is deserving of a second helping.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

I Like to Move It, Move It

I like to move it, move it.

She like to move it, move it

He like to move it, move it

You like to... *move it*!

Yes indeed, the loveable animals from the movie Madagascar are back to amuse and entertain us in their Escape 2 Africa. And that song was stuck in my head for a week coz its so catchy! I can’t wait to see what adventure the 4 friends will be in this time around.

"What are the names of the four unlikely friends in the movie Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa?"
Alex the Lion, Marty the Zebra, Melman the Giraffe and Gloria the Hippo.

And yes, if you’re wondering why the sudden Q&A, AMBP is giving away tickets to the special screening for the movie. For more information, mousey *here*.