A rather upset Kul is writing this. So if you’re not into reading ranty posts, pls do not proceed any further.
I got ticked off today for something that is completely no fault of mine nor my wrongdoing. And it’s upsetting because I know the person who scolded me, A, should have channeled the vents of a job not well done to the actual person itself. Instead, I was at the receiving end of a lecture I did not deserve.
I am trying to rationalize it out so as to not get upset. But I really can’t. Thinking it is different from internalizing it. Some of the reasons I came up with: Perhaps A is tired coz we had a mentally challenging and exhausting day. The lash could be due to tiredness. Perhaps I was there at the wrong place, wrong time. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps….
But whatever the reason, I still felt the pinch. And I’m not happy about it.
So I started to rationalize myself instead. I got ticked off. And when I was leaving, it was pouring cat, dogs and whiskers which made me miss the badminton game I really wanted to go for. Walking with an umbrella while the rain was resonating my very upset sentiments at its peak, it also spoiled one of my favourite pairs of shoes.
On my walk home, semi lost in my thoughts, I realized something. I felt it, the fury, the anger and frustration of someone who vented on me. Those emotions and sentiments which would have in the past just bounced off me actually seeped and infringed it my heart in the most unexpected way. I have (finally!) developed some sense of sensitivity!
Strange? Well, not so if you have known me through the years. I’m almost incapable of being hurt emotionally because I never ever let anyone’s words and opinions, bothered me. However, that is not always a good thing because I didn’t really understood or practiced the sensitivity level most people function on.
And one more thing came to mind. The upsetness actually led to my bad day. Had I not been upset about the tick off, I probably wouldn’t be unhappy bout my spoilt shoes or the weather or the badminton game I missed. Things do go in circles.
Well, I’m done venting. I’ve decided to channel all of it here instead of bottling it inside. Not bad, two realisations in one day. *pat*pat* Now back to normal operating conditions. If you’ve read everything, sekian, terima kasih.