Monday, April 13, 2009

She called it the finale

There was a huge rush of emotions as I read the post. It reminded me of some very painful memories which I have kept in the furthest corner of my mind and heart. But reading the words which so vividly described the feelings, emotions and eventually recovery kind of stirred something up in me. I had tears when I re-read the article because I felt like reaching out and patting the girl who's going through all this.


Long distance relationship (LDR). I was in one a couple of years back and to summarise it, the relationship was bittersweet. In my 21 years of grown up then, I was fiercely determined to prove everyone especially my parents that it will work out and I would earn some boasting rights when everything falls precisely into place. Alas, childish sentiments of non-existent perfection crushed all my hopes, dreams and I grew up.


However, I will not devour in the details of my past which I have compartmentalized and kept it tucked away, happy in its own little corner collecting dust as with all old things do, as it is not the point of this post.


Looking beyond the tug at my heartstring, I felt a completely different surge of emotions, one that is happy, contented, blissful and feels eternally blessed. I'm in a much better place with Ryan and I'm so thankful to have a boyfriend who is around, who is near, and whom is a phone call or a 20 minute drive away. A boyfriend whom I can make impromptu plans with or just simply do nothing but take a drive to McDonald's drive-thru in Kota Damansara as he lets me familiarize with his car.


I never realized what I was missing out because my previous relationship was long distance from the very beginning. And now, to have a special person within reach made me realize what a huge difference the presence of someone can make in my life. The next time the "I'm afraid of seeing you too often because I'm afraid of getting used to you and eventually inept of not having you around" flashes in my mind, I will extinguish it. No point fretting over something so small when the magnitude of being with Ryan is so much bigger. I rather have 10 minutes of him everyday than to have to make do with only seeing him several times a year, the rare hellishly expensive calls, skype, endless emails and text messages to summarize how my day went.


For everything I've been through, I'm thankful of my past experience. Because it taught me the value of presence and to fully appreciate everything I have with Ryan today. I was not shortchanged nor robbed of happiness and for that I'm sorry to have thought so in my moments of hurt, despair, anger and frustration. I have Ryan…

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

what about those still in LDR?should they give it up as well?i mean in order to achieve your state of bliss.