Nothing is enough

The brown eyes circled in grey
The very enchanting eyelashes
The slender long fingers
Sturdy, firm arms
The way the two palms fit like
lock and key.

The scarf hiding the beautiful hair
The innocent shy smile
The sincere, genuine words which
melts the heart
like barbequed marshmallows
sends the shivers down the spine
and butterflies in the stomach.

Every imperfection adds character
The scars so personal, they hurt,
The embrace so tight
it grips the heart, mind and soul
The missing and longing of
the warmth, touch, nearness and presence
One makes all the difference
and nothing is ever enough.

Rain

Rain,
When it falls,
Carries the sorrows of a person,
Flushes it away in the stream of water,
And leaves behind an emptiness more hollow than before.

Jet Lag Jet Plane

All my bags are packed I'm ready to go
I'm standin' here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye…

… Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again…

Sophie quickly changed the station but the song was already stuck in her head. She knew when Jake came back, never. But she has made progress for there were no tears anymore, just a blunt numbness wrapped tight around her heart.

Plus One

Dear Diary,


It’s once said, the loneliest number is one. Today, I agree with that statement. I’d rather endure the sleepless nights wondering if you’re ok from being so far away from me, countless fights because I know deep down you care, tears of happiness when you surprise me so lovingly, than to spend one single night alone. It is so scary to be here in my own room without having you in my thoughts to comfort me. When I wake up, I don’t have you to text saying good morning and that I love you. As I turn of the lights at night, I don’t have someone to talk to about my day. Minus one, I feel scared and lost without my rock, my pillar of strength, the one I run to tell of my smallest news, divide my worries and shoulder my sorrows. Yes, one is a lonely number.


Sophie heaved a deep sigh and shut her diary.

The Couch

Sophie wasn’t sure what was she suppose to feel. Every time she looked at it, a different emotion is brought up. It’s a messy state of happiness, joy, laughter mixed in dough with sadness, hurt and despair. She felt cheated. She felt robbed of her one and only bliss and comfort she found in life. And that one thing was rudely taken away from her too early, too soon.

Today she felt like hurling the vase of those beautiful plastic ever blooming sunflowers onto it. “How dare they still remain nonchalant over what has happened?”

She ran her fingers over the soft brown material covering its body. She wanted to buy the darker shade but Jake convinced her this shade of brown suited the hall much better. “It would go with your mahogany coffee table my dear,” he said as he took her hand into his.

Hot fiery tears trickled down her cheeks. Her eyes are blazing with fury and hatred. Just days ago the couch had a certain warmth about them, a soothing effect to a tired body from a long way of work. No matter how late or exhausted Jake is, his smile shines through the room and Sophie aches for his strong hands to rub her back to iron out the creases of her worn out muscles. Today, all she is left with is that memory.

The couch was the silent observer witnessing everything Sophie and Jake when through. It was on the first day of spring when Sophie realized she loved Jake while she watched him reading the papers on his favourite spot of the couch. It was a month before that she actually finally let someone into her life for the very first time and she remembered how scared she was letting Jake in. The couch saw Sophie truly caring for someone in her life when she had already given up on love and life altogether. The couch Sophie and Jake lay on as the watch TV, played boring scrabble, kissed passionately with the biggest bear hugs it takes away your breath, now is just an ordinary couch, the same commercial couches you see by the windows of furniture shops as you walk past them.

Jake died today. The couch died with Jake today. A piece of Sophie’s heart was ripped out and stabbed. Sophie felt like she died today, she died with the couch; she died with the love of her life. A chunk of Sophie died along with Jake today.

Neighbour Boy

It was like how it is every morning. Sophie spotted the boy at the corner of her eye while she pretends to be busy at the lawn. She sees him walk past her house when he heads off to class clad in jeans, a t-shirt and a sling bag by his shoulders.

She never noticed him all this while until 3 days ago when she was frantically taking the clothes in while the heavens opened up the skies into a sudden thunderstorm. In her frenzied attempt to save the dried clothes from getting wet, she felt it was rather rude when she heard someone chuckling at her while walking by. “How dare him?” she thought and huffed off.

After that fateful day of rain and chuckle, Sophie noticed Neighbour Boy for the second time. And since she didn’t know his name, she decided to call him Nathan. Sophie was quick to note his height standing at roughly 6 feet, fair complexion, sharp nose, clean shaven, silky black hair combed to the back showing off his high forehead, sturdy arms and a muscular build. Oh, and how could she not mention his chiseled jaw which reveals two very deep dimples when he flashes a bright smile. Nathan oozes charm and charisma and Sophie’s pulled to him like metal to magnet.

“There is something about him” she thought and a tiny curve appeared on her mouth. “Don’t I sound silly? We’ve not even said a word to each other and here I am thinking how cute my neighbour is.”

The game of pretend is one of Sophie’s forte and she used it to her best of her ability. Timing was essential and she soon learned that he heads to class the same time when she’s done with her laundry. And that he gets back home in the evening as she waters the plants. So twice a day, on stolen glances, Sophie sees her Neighbour Boy.

Unlike Sophie, Nathan’s “acting” skill is below average to a kind person and many a times Sophie caught Neighbour Boy looking at her with quizzical eyes. The games didn’t hold for long because soon enough both were smiling knowingly to each other and the occasional nods of acknowledgement.

Sophie was getting her mail from the mail box when a strong gush of wind snatched an envelope bringing it dancing in thin air. She tried reaching out for it until the gate became a barricade and the letter was beyond her grasp anymore. Someone caught her envelope and Sophie heaved a sigh of relief. She looked up to see Nathan with her letter clutched in his hand walking towards the house. Sophie’s heart beat faster with every step he took closer.

“Hi, I believe this is yours.”
“Yes, thank you”
“You’re welcomed.”
He took out his hand.
“My name is Syed”
“Hi Syed, I’m Sophie.”
“Pleased to meet you.”

Buried

Sophie’s head feels like it is going to burst. She silently curses under her breath. The very thing that should not happen is now happening to her. She fills that gap with his songs. She remembers the silhouette of his body, tall, built with arms that make her feel safe. The sharp nose and the intense eyes. The curve of his body as he sleeps.

Sometimes the intensity overwhelms her. She has the one thing she wants right before her, within reach, within grasp, within hold. Yet she cannot put her hand out, not even to touch it. Because what she wants is fragile and immensely beautiful, she’s afraid even her gaze might ruin it. The ache of something so near yet so very far.

Sophie curses again. She does not want to remember and yet it is so hard to forget.

Sophie had jokingly and very playfully warned William about this a long time ago. Except that now she has to swallow a dose of her own medicine. Why is this happening? This should not be happening. The frustration of this is simply eating Sophie up inside.

Sophie has managed to always be on the other side of the fence when things like this take place. It is because she never realizes what is going on until a few years later. Years later when the crushes have moved on, and gathered enough courage to tell her that they liked her once upon a time.

Sophie paces up and down the room. Flashes of William come up like lighting during a thunderstorm. “The irony of all this” she mutters under her breath, “is that I’m the best friend and everything will change if I do what I want to do”. Her head pounds for a kind of consolation but nothing comes.

Sophie hates the two options she has. But not making a decision is not a solution either. Each carries a weight she does not want to shoulder. Both will come with a price to pay. Sophie wished she could turn back time to before the weekend, before the fun time, before the teasing started, before when she had a best friend.

Sophie wishes the old Sophie with the same William, where she can talk to about this dilemma she is currently in. the time when she will just ramble on and on and on and William plays the perfect gentleman, sitting down and just listening attentively.

She has wondered the possibilities of events that could take place. The acceptance in a state of shock or the rejection in a state of disbelieve. But either ways, the thought of losing the best friend is too painful to bear. “Would I rather do as I would with regret or try to find a glimmer of hope that it will work out. And if it doesn’t, at least I’ve have tried.” But losing a best friend, that’s a thought Sophie refuses to bear.

She took a walk that evening to clear her head, a very very long walk which was as far as her thoughts brought her. A single tear rolled of her eye and she heaved a heavy sigh. Sophie has made up her mind. “This” will be bottled up inside, buried in the deepest corner of her heart for she will put up a brave front and swallow the beautiful feelings she has for the darling William. For he shall not know and everything will go back to the way it was; normal. At least Sophie hopes.

When are you going away?

It is those times when the feeling creeps up and takes over. I can hear it as it deafens me amidst the blaring of my favorite tunes at the foreground. It consumes my mind, paralyzing it from functioning. I try to shake it off but it just wouldn’t budge. It forces me to confront it. It loves a good conflict, a twist of words, the confusion of the intellect side, the twirl of a shattered spirit, and the pieces of the long broken heart. But it is not the emotional turmoil it seeks for that would be easy. It hunts for the bewildered faith, the searching soul, the one with a thousand unanswered questions. It gnaws at my wavering curiosity, my intense indecisiveness, the skepticness I’m trying so hard to kill, the astounding clarity of things I once possessed now blurred.

And now the imperative answer I search for is “When are you going away?”

Words Can Tell What Hearts Divine

Words can tell what hearts divine
This most romantic time of year:

I'll be yours if you'll be mine
Till golden moon meets midnight drear.
For words can tell what hearts divine

When air's perfume and water's wine,
And cupids hover at one's ear:

And do we feelings dare define
In phrases adamant and clear?
For words can tell what hearts divine,

And souls can step across a line
On days when angels wait to cheer:

Ah, love! Let love this one day shine
On fancies lush and passions sheer!
For words can tell what hearts divine.

The Missing

She sat quietly in the car, waiting as he pumps gas. He looks at her through the glass and winks, she nodded. She watches intently as the numbers on the meter runs until it jerks stop.

He got into the car. The rev of the engine broke the silence as they drove away. Unforgettable by at Nat King Cole plays at the background, Sophie’s favourite song. Jake looks at the beautiful girl next to him and reaches out for her hand. “What’s wrong darling?” he asks. “You don’t seem yourself after the movie ended; you have not said a word since then.”

“I’m alright.” She managed a tiny smile.

“You know, you need to be a little more convincing for me to believe you.”

“Really, I’m fine.”

Sophie quickly turns away before he could get a look at her face. Jake gentle turns her face towards him and lifts her chin upwards. Sophie kept her eyes downcast. A stubborn little tear escaped and trickled down her cheeks. Sophie looks into Jake’s eyes.

“I don’t want to go back. I wish the night did not come so fast. I just want to be with you. I hate being apart, so far away from you and when we are together, time does not do us justice. I… I… I’m already missing you terribly.”

Another tear rolled down. Jake wiped it off her pretty little face. He sighs.

“I know exactly what you mean, I feel it too my dear. But look at it this way; we will see each other again …soon. We will have a wonderful time together as always. And one day will come; we shall not be apart anymore.”

The corner of her mouth slightly upturned, Sophie took comfort in his words. Yes, there will be another time to meet. And someday, they will always be together.

The car stops in front a cottage, smoke coming out of the chimney. Jake opens the door for his lady, leading her out of the car. They stood out at the gate, both not wanting to say anything.

“I miss you, everyday, all the time, even when I don’t say it. Sophie Darling, I Love You.” Jake brings her closer, holding her in a warm embrace.

Their lips touch.

Time stood still.

Sophie looks up, “I Love You Jake”.

The gate creeks as Sophie open it, walking very slowly towards her home. She stops. Sophie turns around, runs back to Jake, hugging him very tightly, her eyes glistening and kisses him. “I miss you very much and I love you with all my heart.”

Both doors shut tight.
Both heads leaned backwards.
Both with eyes closed.
Both lost in thought.
Both loved each another.

Twisted Nursery Rhymes

Mary had a little pig,
She kept it fat and plastered,
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little bastard.

Mary had a little lamb,
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two slices of bread.

Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Stupid Jill forgot the pill
And now they have a son.

Simple Simon met a Pie man going to thefair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pie man, "
What have you got there?"
Said the Pie man unto Simon,
"Pies, youDumb Ass"

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings' horses,
And all the kings' men.
Had scrambled eggs,
For breakfast again.

Hey diddle, diddle,
The cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun.
Then died of electric shock.

Georgy Porgy Pudding and Pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.

*This isn't originally written by me. Saw in on a Friendster bulletin, found it pretty interesting, so I posted it here :)