Twisted Nursery Rhymes

Mary had a little pig,
She kept it fat and plastered,
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little bastard.

Mary had a little lamb,
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two slices of bread.

Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Stupid Jill forgot the pill
And now they have a son.

Simple Simon met a Pie man going to thefair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pie man, "
What have you got there?"
Said the Pie man unto Simon,
"Pies, youDumb Ass"

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings' horses,
And all the kings' men.
Had scrambled eggs,
For breakfast again.

Hey diddle, diddle,
The cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun.
Then died of electric shock.

Georgy Porgy Pudding and Pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.

*This isn't originally written by me. Saw in on a Friendster bulletin, found it pretty interesting, so I posted it here :)